I hate the Facebook “memories” tab. Several years ago when Facebook came out with the Timehop-like feature, I thought it would be fun to flip through old posts and pictures. But these days, I click on the tab mostly to clear the notifications.
Truth be told, the posts are just hard to read. And the surveys I posted in notes… ugh, remember those?
Some of my friends love the blast from the past and check out the old posts Facebook curates for them every day. They revisit posed pictures with their roommates from their first days of college and wall posts from family and friends; they’re a reminder of the need to check in with them again because it’s been too long.
My memories? Mine are filled with status after status complaining about anything and everything.
“UGH 8am class and I haven’t slept at all. Worst. day. ever.”
“StuDYING all night. Pray for me.”
“You think you know somebody and then they stab you in the back… This is how it always goes.”
And if it’s not that ongoing diatribe about my life, it’s pictures taken at 2am at the bar when I should have been at home and in bed, if you catch my drift.
You guys… woof.
Honestly, even if nobody else sees those posts now, when I re-read them I sometimes feel embarrassed for myself and sad for the person I was all those years ago. But, as much as I hate reading what I posted on the internet (FOR EVERYONE TO SEE, YOU GUYS… CAN YOU BELIEVE?!), I’ve also been able to reflect on my past, my mindset, and the role social media has among both of those things.
Here are 5 lessons I have learned through social media about the relationships we have with ourselves and others:
1. You are what you consume—if you fill your head with garbage, your life becomes garbage.
One thing has become abundantly clear thanks to Facebook memories: I spent too much time spending time with people, places, and things that did not make me feel good. Not only was it often ’negative’ in nature, but it mostly reinforced the challenges I had during that time in my life— feeling homesick, not fitting in, being alone in the process, having to grind all night, the inability to find a healthy balance between fun, academics, and self-care. Sure, that stuff was relatable in the moment, but it was not helping. In fact, in many ways, it made matters much worse. I didn’t have the bandwidth to filter social media and the relationships in my life then… and so the garbage just collected in my mind… and soon my life was full of it.
Bottom Line: You follow what you focus on. If you want to clean up your life, take out the garbage.
ACTION STEP: Unfollow any account that does not make you feel good. Period.
2. Disconnect to re-engage— you can’t take a look in the mirror if a computer or phone is in your face.
One of the most important differences between the person I was 8 years ago and who I am now is that these days I have a mindfulness practice. Now, I’m not saying you have to drop what you’re doing and become a zen master, but I am saying that you should find some time to disconnect from everything. Time alone is important because it allows for us to check in with ourselves in a way that is not filtered or impacted by our environment like so much of the rest of the day. This time alone allows us to do deep work during which we are focused completely, develop self-awareness, and gives us time to reflect on our days. My mindfulness practice gives me that time to develop a sense of calm awareness that helps me navigate the tumultuous nature of life. I have to have that time when I’m disconnected from the world in order to re-engage in a meaningful way.
Bottom Line: You will not find self awareness or happiness in distraction or the lives of others. Put it down and turn inward.
ACTION STEP: Find a time to practice being disengaged from the world at large. Use that time to self-reflect in a meaningful way that is meaningful to you. Try out meditation, walking, journaling, or hundreds of other practices.
3. What you allow will continue— the garbage stops COLLECTING when you take control of your life.
Though it doesn’t always seem like it based on the content I see on Facebook memories, I wasn’t actively trying to have a hard time… who does that? But I also wasn’t actively trying to have a better life either. I was miserable and just continued to live in this miserable world filled with miserable doom, and that was going to be how my life always was because I didn’t know how to fix it. Honestly, I thought I had to start doing a bunch of grandiose things to feel better— but that’s the curse of social media and comparison in a way. I thought I had to be like all these other people, when really all I had to do was stop being the person that allowed the things that I did. What took me so long to realize is that I didn’t have to start loving my classes that were hard, I just had to stop making them harder for myself by not going to class. I didn’t have to develop a hundred friends to feel like I belonged at college, I just had to stop allowing for shitty people to make me feel like I didn’t.
Bottom Line: You don’t always have to DO a lot. Sometimes happiness lies in STOPPING some things.
ACTION STEP: Set a standard for your life. Think about what you expect from yourself, from your family and friends, and for your life. Do not settle for anything less. That is how you take control.
4. What you allow will continue, and what continues gets shared— You can be a fertilizer for others or you can be poison, but not both.
There’s one important implication that doesn’t just apply directly to us in a personal way and I want to highlight it because it’s that important. It’s this: your energy is contagious. What you feel, the way you act, and vibe you put into this world… all of that impacts another person, and the impact is more far-reaching than you would first assume. Let’s take this as an example: One of my more recent and more popular tweets received something like 50 likes— not Twitter famous by any standard. But that’s not the metric that matters. Twitter also keeps track of the number of engagements and something it calls “impressions” which is the number of people that merely saw your tweet. In that case alone, well over 2800 people scrolled past that tweet since I posted it a couple weeks ago. That means that 2800 people had their attention, time, and (maybe even) mentality shaped by me in that message. Think about that: even the most seemingly insignificant things have a ripple effect much bigger than we sometimes even realize. So what’s the take home? To me this means two things: you have to be aware of the energy you are spreading in this world AND be aware of the energy others are spreading in this world.
Bottom Line: If you think that your behavior and energy impacts only you, you’re definitely wrong. Negative energy is contagious. But the good news is, so is positive energy.
ACTION STEP: Do something positive to intentionally share good vibes with other people. Pay it forward, tweet something nice, compliment someone on the street. It makes a difference. Be fertilizer for other people.
5. Revisit where you started to know how far you’ve gone— find joy in the journey.
I said I hate the Facebook memories function because it reminds me of a tough time in my life. But at the same time it’s beneficial to see because it reminds me of how far I’ve come and the work I’ve put in to be in the mental space that I am. When the journey is long and arduous and you feel like you still have a lot of work to do, reflecting on what has already been accomplished can have huge benefits. Not only is it a good practice in self-reflection and self-awareness, it builds a sense of accomplishment, confidence, and can improve mood.
Bottom Line: Don’t get so caught up in the process that you forget to stop and realize how far you’ve come; sometimes that’s the fuel we need to keep going.
ACTION STEP: Take a few minutes to journal about your current mindset or mental health. Reflect on the growth you’ve seen and the progress you have made. Identify areas for continued growth and plan how you’ll keep making strides. Celebrate yourself, then refocus.
