In the high performance and personal development space, we really love cranking out blogs and social media posts about all the things you have to add to your life if you want to reach your goals.
Guilty as charged.
But I’m learning more and more that high performance is about incredible discipline in doing LESS so that in the long run, you can do more.
And when it comes to the way we handle our thoughts, energy, and attention, there’s a whole lot we can stop doing that puts us in a position to do more.
More than that— there are things we must stop doing if we want to get out of our own way.
So, here are three things you should ditch today to get the breakthroughs you are looking for.
STOP: Thinking that the way you talk to yourself doesn’t matter.
There’s some cliched saying that goes something like “you are the most important person you talk to every day”. And while it’s a cliche, most cliches exist because they are true. This is no exception.
The vast majority of us have a running dialogue in our heads as we move throughout the day. Only, for most of us, this voice in our heads is more like the worst armchair quarterback for our lives.
Do something less than ideal and you hear “why would you do that?”
Argue with a friend and here comes the armchair expert with their opinion: “she’s going to be mad at you forever.”
Make a mistake and all of the sudden you hear them screaming “you’re so stupid”.
And it doesn’t just happen that way with “negative” events. That voice is often loud and clear, even when you’re winning.
So what’s the issue there? Often our self-talk downplays our successes, minimizes what’s going right, and moves on quickly to focus on the negative.
Debbie-Downer Town, population: YOU
But here’s what we know: the way you talk to yourself MATTERS. It matters in every situation— good and bad. Whether you’re experiencing successes or failures, you owe it to yourself to treat it like it matters.
Because over time, those thoughts become patterns, and those patterns become beliefs, and then those beliefs become your identity. It’s better to shift thinking than to have to reconstruct your entire identity.
Here’s a simple question that has literally revolutionized the way I talk to myself: What would I say to my very best friend if they were in this same situation?
Certainly it wouldn’t be “why would you do that? She’s going to be mad at you forever. You’re so stupid”.
Stop thinking the way you talk to yourself doesn’t matter. Talk to yourself like you’re someone you care about.
STOP: Spending energy on people and things that drain you.
I talked to a client yesterday that, all things considered, is CRUSHING it— they have a successful business, have a family that loves them, have tons of projects lined up that they care about, are well-respected in their field…
The only problem: they don’t have a single ounce of energy left for those things.
Why? They spend 90% of their energy running around putting out fires with people that are absolute energy vampires.
Hear me on this one: you can have it all together, but if you don’t have the ENERGY to be able to execute, none of that even matters.
We see it in business, in life, in athletics…
When I first started training for triathlon, I always thought I was simply too weak to do the run segment at the end. It took me too long to realize that it wasn’t that I was too weak— I WASN’T FUELED. Once I got my nutrition dialed in: BOOM.
You wouldn’t expect your car to drive without gasoline. You don’t expect your phone to work when the battery is on 1%. In fact, when that happens, people start desperately scrambling for a charger. I need you to do the same thing with YOUR energy. More importantly, YOU need you to do the same thing with your energy.
Stop letting people and things drain you. Conserve that energy and spend it on what matters most.
STOP: Letting outside influences decide how you spend your attention.
It’s no secret: our attention is a hot commodity. And in 2021 it is manipulated, monetized, and monopolized.
I saw an article on twitter the other day that said the differentiator in our current environment between those that can get things done and live in fulfilling ways and those that can’t is this single factor: whether or not you can control your attention.
Here’s why it’s important that you do that: our attention is finite resource. As in, you only have so much at any one time.
Think of it this way: in any given day you have $100. Everything you do costs money— working, spending time with family, walking the dog, reading, scrolling on your phone, thinking about a fight you had at work… it all costs something.
Most of us are walking around tossing our cash into money pits— things like social media, trash TV shows, and the like.
And you know what— I’m not even most worried about those things. If you’re choosing to do those things, then okay. The take away there: just be aware of how you’re spending your attention.
The thing I’m most worried about is how too many of us let other people dictate how we spend our attention (read: CA$H).
Every time you get caught up ruminating about a fight, someone else makes their problem your problem, you get sucked into a Facebook political argument… you are allowing people to STEAL your money— your attention.
What’s the cost? Well, when it comes time to focus on something you really need to focus on or care about, you won’t have the attentional currency to do it.
Stop letting outside influence decide how you spend your attention. Protect that attention like you do your cash.
